An Open Letter to Ciar Foster - Funding for Film Club
Written By ronan butt merton
An Open Letter to Ciar Foster on the Topic of Funding for the University High School Film Club
Dear Ms. Foster,
As the Principal of this school, I am sure you are aware of the talented and productive film club run by some of our students. It has been described by some as an underfunded, yet necessary institution kept alive by a rag-tag team of misfits who breathe life into the school, and I think that needs to change.
I, as a spokesperson for the sentiment held by most members of our school community, demand that the faculty and the Department of Education of the State of Victoria provide funding and resources to this vital establishment. No less than $500 million should be necessary to allow the group to flourish to its greatest extent.
It could be argued that this is a ‘ridiculous’ and ‘outrageous’ sum that is ‘impossible to even think of uses for’, however, you will find that your position in the good books of the DET could be put severely at risk if the demands put forward by the student body are not met. This amount would be put towards important film-making uses, such as private trailers for star actors (stocked with only green M&Ms), a castle built on a spooky hill we expect to be completed some time in 2025 (for our upcoming production Incredibly Spooky Castle: RE-REVENGEANCE) as well as a fleet of electric cars to be utilised for both transport and chase scene filming.
It is important to us also that school is closed for filming on days Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and half of Friday. I do not mean to make threats, but it would be dangerous to deny this appeal.
While the world may currently be ‘in quarantine’ to stifle a ‘dangerous and contagious pandemic’, it can be agreed upon by all that celebrating the screen arts is far more important than ‘protecting the immunodeficient’.
For this reason, I demand you make an appeal to the Morrison Government in order to allow the UHS’ Film Club filming as an essential activity during this ‘time of crisis.’
Sincerely,
Ronan Butt Merton on behalf of the UHS’ Film Club.
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EDITOR’s disclaimer:
For legal reasons, this open letter is definitely a joke. Please do not sue UBIQUE nor expel us, we’re too broke and our parents will disown and whoop our butts. Thank you.
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