Conspiracies At Uni-High (Pt.1)
Written By Elliot Broome
On a quiet overcast morning in 2019, all seemed well.
We sat in our classes, watching the airborne dust float about the room, lit up by the soft light. Teachers explained ER verbs in the back of our heads, walking through their dull monologues and wishing they’d gone for that law degree.
Piercing through the serene boredom came the ringing singing of a ding-a-ling bell. Noticing this was not the normal bell, we all had the collective thought:
“I hope it’s a proper fire this time”
But also more importantly:
“Who started it?”
Did a health teacher put out a cigarette in a waste paper basket? Did a food tech teacher overdo their crumpets? Maybe someone asked a techie for the wifi password and the redhead one finally exploded. No one really knew.
Of course, later the news came around that it was a microwaving error. Some maths teacher left the foil on or something. Mr Bell, in the lunchroom, with the forgotten spork. This was the answer we remained satisfied with for nearly two years, until now.
I had always had my suspicions about this case, and other Uni High students may agree, as according to a survey 73% thought that there was something fishy going on. What was it that seemed so off? Most maths teachers are far too mild to ever get caught up in something as exciting as arson and from where the maths department was situated I found the accusations towards them a little hard to swallow. In search for quantitative data, I found that the maths office is 11.2 metres away from where the fire took place.
It sounds crazy, but I’ve never been able to shake the feeling that the fire was started by Mr Tiernan. For all my life I’ve felt there was something off about that man but never with a lead to follow that could possibly justify this feeling.
This was of course until recently, when an underground rumour started spreading around, only heard by those who were listening. In an interview with a mathematics teacher who has preferred to remain anonymous, it slipped out that it could not have been them, as the fire was actually caused by a Lote teacher. Ah hah! One step away from the maths office and two closer to the truth.
Immediately I went to confront these teachers, bursting into the Lote office in a hurry. For better or worse, Mr Tiernan was not present. Instead, only (unnamed for legal purposes) and (same here) were present. When questioned, it was revealed that it was in fact a LOTE teacher. Someone who they wouldn’t admit was Mr Tiernan, who accidentally microwaved a type of nut not intended for microwaving (possibly hazel or brazil) resulting in a fire. As much as I pushed for it, I was unable to get a name for the culprit.
I tried running around asking other teachers and potential witnesses but to no success.
Here it was; I had reached the end of my investigation. An unsatisfying ending, maybe, but not without a lesson learned. I was never able to lock up Mr Tiernan for the crook that he is, but I was able to prove the innocence of the Maths office, and I truly enjoyed the short journey it took to get here.
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