A Lone Wolf on a Day of Mating
By Sevika Gurung
Being lonely on Valentine’s Day is such a struggle, although being single is a very common matter. In this profile, we meet Djamela Pham (DJ), a teen girl who has been lonely for all 15 years of her sad life and is not new to this lonesome way of living, surviving off her own imagination to keep her feeling… not as single.
How does it feel to not have a Valentine?
“Uh… pretty good, honestly… I don’t needa buy stuff… Ok that’s a lie I went to Narocha with my friends and bought tea, but the idea of not having to buy a present for someone else, is so rewarding to me, like imagine how much money couples spend on each other like that’s crazy bro.”
Are you sure?
“... yes…”
Are you really sure?
“... yes… no…”
Why have you never had a Valentine?
“Everyone’s ugly. No, I’m joking, I think the main reason why no one’s asked me out is because I had to get my earring cut off my ear and then like a week later, I lost that earring BUT I had it with me the whole week and kept it and I swear to God bro that my parents took it because how does an earring disappear just like that?! So-”
“I think we’re getting a bit off track here, Dj, next question”
Who do you want to ask you out on Valentine’s Day? How?
“Oh, that’s a good question… uh… if you asked me this yesterday, I would’ve said this really hot dude I found on TikTok, he was so hot though bro he had like red hair, honestly so hot but then I found out he had a girlfriend?! And then I was like hell nah coz now if I say I think he’s hot that’s like messed up-”
Dj, answer the bloody question.
“Sorry, uh let's just go with Ryan Reynolds. Y’know I think it would be so cool if he asked me out with water guns; like, he’d squirt the words “Will You Go Out With Me” on a big poster, like that would be so vibey if he did that. I dunno, just something about water guns is so frickin cool.
Have you ever asked someone to be your Valentine? Why or why not?
“No, I mean, uhm, almost, in primary school. See, everyone in primary school had a crush, but no one ever had the guts to ask anyone out. Like this one girl was dating this guy for a week and so she got him a Fortnite pinata but then he broke up with her. The crazier thing was, was that it all happened on his birthday which was also a week before Valentines.”
Wow…
“I know, right?”
So, how do you spend Valentines?
Valentines usually is on a school day, so I woke up. And went to school. Oh I also had some lollies as well. OH and I got the worst love prediction man, y’know the love prediction things? Yeah, well, you wanna know what it said? It said, ‘it’s not him, go for his best friend,’ AND **** (friend’s name) HAD THE EXACT SAME ONE DUDE. It wasn’t even- I thought mine would be unique, but I got the same one as someone else.
Wow, that is so sad I feel for you. Now, I want you to be honest with me, do you read fanfiction? About who?
Uhm… oh no…. I have read fan fiction. In year 7 especially. I had this HUGE Miraculous Ladybug phase and I was so thirsty for episodes that I turned to MLB (Miraculous Ladybug) fanfiction. Bro, I’m not even kidding I was so into that crap, I read it in class! With no shame! Oh my god I just remembered, I’m not even gonna go into what I read today, that stuff is embarrassing.
When did you realise how lonely and sad you were?
Ok wow, uh… probably around the time I started reading fan fiction, so year 7. Oh my god I was so proud of myself dude, reading that stuff in class, I thought, wow I am reading so many books, like how dare I think that.
How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?
I want to kill all the couples.
Slay.
Specifically those our age, because how the heck have you guys found someone who you love and they love you back, yet I haven’t?! Like it doesn’t make any sense. It really doesn’t.