Masculinity
Written by Joanne Lee
MASCULINITY
“Stop crying, man up! You never cry as a boy!”
Oof, that was a strong head start.
For the past millennium, women have transformed and evolved, becoming more diverse, becoming more involved in all kinds of fields, contributing to societies and empowering the femenist community. The #METOO movement — a movement where people publicised the sexual assaults they faced committed by powerful and/or prominent men — which started in 2006, has raised the awareness of gender issues within the mainstream media. Particularly in 2019, the word “toxic masculinity” flooded everywhere, on Twitter, Facebook, and other social media platforms, focusing on the traits of men who are aggressive, possessive, homophobic and emotionally frigid. But what if I say that this thinking is demoralising AND affecting the mental health of not only women, but MEN as well?
METOO movement founded by Tarana Burke in 2006.
Check out more on the #METOO movement on their official website: https://metoomvmt.org/
“Is SHE really that good?”
Let me start it off with a personal experience from my mom, who is a very capable career woman. One day, she was having dinner with 15 other executives who ironically, are all men. Out of a sudden, a man asked her boss in front of her,
“Is SHE really that good?”
Let's pause for a moment and let that statement sink in. Now, what do you think he was trying to imply? Was he trying to be sarcastic? Was he just saying out of curiosity? We will never know the underlying meaning unless he explains himself. But what I KNOW is that my mom felt it was an outright sexist comment towards her, and was bothered by the bluntness of his statement.
This is just one experience out of ALL the other verbal, physical and mental experiences women are undergoing. Uncountable examples. According to the famous actor, Justin Baldoni, who had his 2019 Ted Talk on “why [he's] tired of being ‘man enough'”, he mentioned how “harmful masculinity” has caused sexism leading to many issues such as the gender pay gap, unfair education for women, intimate partner violence (IPV).
Research shows that “men and boys who adhere to rigid views of gender roles and masculinity are more likely to use violence against a partner.” According to the Australian Government, at least 2 in 5 assaults are related to family and domestic violence, in which an alarming number of 82% were female victims. These men commonly use violence and control in relationships to maintain sexist beliefs and dominance over women. Whilst this is true, we should all keep an open mind that not all men are like that in order to reduce stereotypical views, which can negatively impact both genders.
“Do I need to man up?”
Let us take a look at this ad by Gillette in 2019. Having an umpteen 1.6 million dislikes, it sparked many conversations on this topic.
Check out the Gillette ad on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koPmuEyP3a0&t=28s
What do you think after watching it? Do you agree or disagree with what the video said? Feel free to comment below!
Another related concept, “The Man Box”, is also relevant to be mentioned here. It is a set of beliefs within and across society that places pressure on men to behave in a certain way – to be tough, not to show any emotions, to be the breadwinner, never to show weakness, to always use violence to solve problems. Because of these values, it has significantly affected the life of many men who endorse dominant ideals of masculinity (similar to what the Gillette ad was trying to convey). Whenever you think of a drunkard, rapist, kidnapper, murderer, even a terrorist, the first image bubbling in our brain, is typically men, and many real cases have supported this statement too. I’m sure you guys acknowledge that as well.
Official website of “The Man Box” concept: https://jss.org.au/what-we-do/the-mens-project/the-man-box/
Many boys have expressed how they feel pressured to “man up” and have forced them to throw on a facade when facing people. According to The Independent, “67 percent of 18-24 year olds felt compelled to display “hyper-masculine” behaviour in tough situations and 55 per cent said crying in front of others would make them feel like less of a man. ”Many times, their mental health is ignored as well, just because men are supposed to “not cry,” “be stoic,” “be tough,” “not show emotion”, etc.
Of course, there are many exceptions to those as well. One factor which cannot be ignored on how it has become how it is today, is that society has so many expectations for men that they are slowly morphing future generations into “lost sheeps”. It is as if almost everything a man does is violating or supporting the masculine ideals, so what even IS “masculinity” anymore?
So where is the fine line?
What I am trying to say is that not all men are bad, and extremists who strictly conform to these ideals need to have a paradigm mindset shift before these ideals reach more of the younger generations. Notice that the only time I mentioned “toxic” was at the beginning of this article. Personally, I think that the word “toxic” has such a large negative connotation that it conjures negative images and feelings when I think of men, which isn’t helpful at all. This does not help toward building a healthy relationship between both genders as “toxic femininity” exists as well. It’s just rarely addressed. Men and women are supposed to be allies, not enemies, and that is why both genders should support each other so that we as a team, strive together to reach mutually satisfying goals.
All of these have to be stopped before we morph the future generations into “confused, self-inflicting” creatures. In education, we need to implement the mindset that it is ok, that it is fine to show emotions and express yourself. Parents’ teaching is really one of the KEY components in order to change this misconceptual idealism. Families need to take the initiative to embrace this information and teach them that one doesn't always need to be strong, be tough, and that sometimes, one can express their vulnerability and fear too, regardless of gender. Parents need to start being aware of this “silent issue,” be observant and guide their children in embracing this new paradigm shift and know their innerselves.
EVERYONE in the community has a role to create a positive environment and most importantly reduce the spread of false information and biased opinions. Many prejudiced comments are spreaded in social media so we should learn to differentiate what is right, what is wrong, and stand FIRMLY on our wise grounds.
From thereon, I'm sure one would know what to do next.
A girl who believes in equality
Joanne
Links:
The official American Psychological Association website addressing this issue:
https://www.apa.org/pi/about/newsletter/2018/09/harmful-masculinity
To understand more on how these ideals impact on young man, check out this interesting article which talks about “locker room talks” commonly happening in the USA:
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/01/the-miseducation-of-the-american-boy/603046/
How fathers can help to build a more cohesive society:
A good video where opinions are unbiased:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afeog8O-dPc
An inspiring speech by Justin Baldoni on why he is “tired to be man enough”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cetg4gu0oQQ
My fundraiser page to help support girls in Africa who can’t get any education!
https://www.onegirl.org.au/fundraisers/joannelee/ambassadors-2020