The basement of UHS

It’s a new year, and I’m sure at least some of our dear readers would have expected us to quit, with The Missing Door as our grand finale and magnum opus. But, dear readers, you must learn to never underestimate us. For new years only bring new mysteries, and who would we be if we could not pursue both the truth and our one true passion: doors.
By Naomi and Maddie

Late one night, after a tiring session of demon summoning, we lay down upon our bed, ready to lose ourselves to sleep. But in our dreams, a shining door appeared, a door shrouded in shadows and mystery - our one true love. But we were not the only ones to see the value in such a magnificent door. For it lay at the bottom of a treacherous set of stairs, which in turn was surrounded by a tall, looming fence that prevented just anyone from coming face-to-face with the door's beauty. And of course, this fence was situated right in the midst of the sea of doom itself: the teachers’ carpark. A formidable challenge indeed, but we were filled with an unquenchable desire to see beyond this mysterious door, to see what secrets were awaiting us. So upon waking, we knew this was just the challenge for us. 

And so began Operation: ‘Basement’.

We knew, as we approached the treacherous carpark which would be our next formidable foe, that this journey may be our most treacherous yet, the hardest challenge we have yet faced as investigative journalists and door experts. Just approaching this fearsome enemy, covered in smoke, with a menacing aura of darkness, was enough to have us shaking in terror. But, from a hidden door, beside us, a figure emerged, a faint glow visible in the smoky haze. Was it a teacher, coming to kidnap and torture tell us off? Or worse, a monster? But no, once our eyes adjusted, we realised it was not an enemy, but our saviour. GP. Our number 1 informant approached, ready to help us on our life-threatening journey. Looking from side to side, ensuring no one was watching, he pressed a key into our hands, with a whisper: this is the key to the ‘basement’ you so desperately desire. But beware; it won’t be an easy task. The road ahead is littered with traps, and if you even make one mistake you will find yourself captured. We nodded solemnly, aware of the danger lurking ahead. Along with that, we were intrusted with a mysterious suitcase, one that looked far heavier than its small size.  ‘I can go with you no further’, GP said, ‘but I wish you luck’. WIth that, he backed away, merging with the fog as he once again emitted a faint, golden glow. 

Key in hand, we gazed out at the perilous asphalt landscape before us. To the untrained eye, it would be but a simple car park, innocuous and innocent, but to our trained professionalism, booby traps littered the way ahead. Tentatively, we took our first step forward.

Immediately, we heard an ominous click echo through the seemingly empty carpark. And then, suddenly, the ground seemed to open up beneath us, and we began to plummet. As we looked below us, spikes as tall as the empire state building gleamed dangerously, as if laughing at our imminent demise. But never fear! For GP’s reliable suitcase started glowing with the scorching flames of heaven, and from it, a grappling hook gun emerged! So, with a gasp of triumph, we reached out and shot the grappling hook towards the ever-vanishing light, and it soared, ready to catch the edge of the hole we found ourselves in. But, as we continued to fall, the silver hook skittered against the edge, ready to catch… and then it plummeted back towards us, our glimmer of hope disappearing as swiftly as a door swinging closed on its hinges. And as we felt this hope disappear forever, we thought it was the end. But then we remembered our dear readers, who would be greatly anticipating our next instalment. And we knew, we couldn’t disappoint them. So, in a sudden burst of strength, we performed some sick ass ninja skills so complicated we could not even begin to describe them, and went soaring out of the infinite pit of doom at the speed of door. Our first obstacle was overcome. 

But as we stood on the edge of the pit, looking out at the desolate concrete landscape before us, we knew this was far from the hardest thing we would have to tackle in our entire high school investigative journalism career. For before us, spinning with the deadliness of a door going at 100mph, were a maze of satanically red laser beams, carving intricate patterns in the air, each thin line a neon red hue. Touching even one of them would signal our end, as neither of us wanted to become sliced turkey just yet, only this far in our unending, infinite, time-breaking quest for doors. But unfortunately, our ninja skills were on cooldown, so we couldn’t bust out any more sick moves. We had to find a way through. We wondered, could we go over it? Could we go under it? No, we just had to go through it, for these lasers extended infinitely, the pinnacle of modern technology. But we, we are more modern than the pinnacle of modern technology, and so, we would not be daunted by this wondrous lightshow of death. So, once again, we opened our trusty suitcase, and found within: our saviour. 

Out of the suitcase came a giant blue stagelight, gleaming with potential. Triumphantly, we shone it towards the maze of scarlet death, and behold! Our blue light negated that dangerous red, creating a path which we swiftly ran through, and we emerged from the other side unscathed. We were nearly there; at that fateful door which called out desperately to us. But the greatest trial was yet to come. 

The fence which guarded the door was in sight, imposingly tall but barely a challenge compared to our previous feats of brilliance. We ran towards it, arms outstretched, our fate so close, at the tips of our fingers. But then, ominous organ music began to ring out across the carpark, and the already dark day began to dim even further. From a patch of shadows a few metres from where we stood, a shadow woven from darkness and despair emerged, with the air of a level 100 final boss. 

Despite only a few metres separating us from this menacing figure, their figure remained blurry and indistinguishable, a grey pencil void against the monochromatic world of the car park. Within this abyss, a crimson smile began to spread, unnaturally wide, sending shivers down our spines. All our instincts told us to run, but the thought of the door, so close, was enough to have us stand our ground. 

“Welcome.” A chilling voice, like nails rattling and scraping against a chalkboard, emerged from the shadowy patch of darkness where our foe lay. “I apologise for not being available to you sooner. Unfortunately, I have been busy with other matters. Truly, I am a horrible host.” The scarlet slash that approximated a smile stretched even further, and a pair of matching ruby voids appeared in an approximation of eyes. Truly, this was a demon incarnate. 

“Now, come forward, dear guests. Let me repay you for my poor hospitality.”

The shadows that adorned the car park seemed to slide across the floor, slipping closer and closer to the puddle of darkness that faced us. The organ music began to crescendo, and the eerie screech of a cello began to join it, intermingling in a hellish waltz of death. We could feel our hearts begin to tremble. Beside us, the ever-trusty suitcase offered no answers. Our hearts began to sink. Was this the end?

But before us, a mirage began to resolve. Why had we come on this gruelling journey? Was it to go on an incredible journey? Was it to find another magnificent door to devote ourselves to? Although these were certainly things we did, this was not our reason. We were here to bring more articles to our dear readers, to entertain and shock them, to bring them the articles only we can bring. So, out of our back pockets, we pulled out our trusty Ubique cards, the proof of our status as journalists, and screamed in unison:

“YOU CANNOT TOUCH US! FOR WE ARE JOURNALISTS OF UBIQUE, AND IT IS OUR DUTY TO SPREAD THE TRUTH TO OUR READERS!”

The cards began to glow, a brilliant golden that encapsulated our resolve to find the truth. And with our hands outstretched, the entire car park became encased in brightness, and our vision disappeared in a gradient of brightness to the dark space behind our eyelids.

When we came to, we were laying in an ordinary car park, devoid of traps of villains. And before us was a fence, one not tall or covered in barbed wire, but one we knew led to our destination nonetheless. And in our hands lay the golden key, the only evidence of our heart-racing adventure. So, with bated breath, we raised it, and inserted it into the plain golden padlock that held our future. With an unassuming click, the gate swung open in one quick, sweeping motion. The two of us began the walk down the winding stone steps, a medley of moss, dirt and twigs blanketing each corner. It seemed to distort and stretch out in our vision, getting longer and longer, pushing us further away from the door we so desperately desired to see for ourselves, to feel its flat and tangible surface against our palms. We looked down into the depths, a shadowy mist creating a layer between the thin air at our level and the depths that lay below.

The depths…

As we descended down the seemingly endless stairs, we felt our bodies becoming weak and weary, as if we had been walking forever. 

Luckily, beside us, we found the key to our salvation: an unexpected snack! 

Yum :3

So, with our new-found energy, we bravely pushed forward, and finally, at the end of this infinite tunnel of trials and tribulations, a glimmer of light flickered precariously through our visions. An audible gasp rang out from our mouth(s? Idk ). The exhaustion weighing us down like a 100 tonne door seemed to lift, floating away into the stratosphere as our weary legs began to speed up, heavy steps turning into feather-light skips as fast as a supersonic door (maybe our ninja skills are off cooldown 😮). The glimmer of light grew brighter, bigger, enveloping us in its welcoming embrace. 

And then, against our palms, we felt it: the cold, indescribable substance that comprised the door of our dream. We had made it. Our bodies collapsed against the door, its cool comfort telling us we had finally made it. 

The basement…

And so, with trembling hands, we took each side of the door and pushed.

Within this hidden room, interesting sights were to be found. For this was no ordinary room to be found at the end of our journey; or else this article would end very anticlimactically, and we don’t really want all that amazing tension we built up to go to waste, so this has to be interesting. 

For this was the secret room that ran the school; the hidden council puppeting each room of this institution called ‘education’. The Boiler Room.

Although it seemed a dusty room that had not been set foot in for centuries, it was in fact the main source of heating for many of the school’s rooms, a hidden secret mirroring the hidden treasures within.

This was a place untouched by the filthy student body, yet still it was unclean, a rarely entered place protected by warning signs and distance. It seemed like a relic of a past era, yet it functions (allegedly), though we could feel no heat from the solitary grey boiler.

Luckily, we can’t read

Despite hosting a boiler as its main attraction, other debris littered the vast room, highlighted by the dim, flickering light. A strange grey contraption much like a washing machine, yet infinitely more sinister, hid in a dreary corner. Was it once used to suck away bad students, never to be seen again? Or did it hide a legendary treasure within.

Spooky…

A maze of pipes, that wound across the room like a snake, ready to pounce on our unsuspecting heads once we turned away. Musty cardboard boxes, full of unknown contents. Who knew what secrets lay within?

A horde of filing cabinets, surely filled with all sorts of intriguing documents, although they unfortunately remained out of reach.

And some debris we could not identify, with equally mysterious uses (although they look vaguely like torture devices).

Our investigation done, we slowly walked towards the exit of this fateful room, the second door of many which had revealed its secrets to us. The journey had been long, and yet, infinitely fulfilling, for another door had been conquered by our investigation skills. So as we exited that door, and looked up to the sunlight streaming down, we knew we had not failed our dear readers this time.

But wait! Dear readers, before you go, our prophetic dreams are legendary but not all-knowing. If you, too, know of a mysterious door that is worth our time, please tell us, for doors are not infinite, but our love for them is.
Until next time, goodbye.